Sometimes, in our ever competing world, parenting seems to be the new olympic sport. Ever wondered how well you are doing at it? Take this handy quiz and find out:
It’s Monday morning and your three month old baby is awake. You:
(a) take her to the baby massage class you signed up to seven months before she was born before heading to the baby pool for her first swimming lesson.
(b) head off with the buggy to your local cafe to meet your friend for a coffee and a natter.
(c) climb onto the sofa to cuddle her whilst watching morning tv in your pjs.
Your child has started walking. You:
(a) install stair gates on each doorway, two on each end of the stairs, and order 20 new padded floor mats for next day delivery.
(b) take a fourteen videos of varying lengths and post them all on Facebook immediately.
(c) are gutted. Where the hell did your baby go?
Your kid comes home from nursery with some ‘art’ which looks like a paint bottle vomited onto paper and then rolled in it. You:
(a) take it to a professional framer.
(b) stick it on to the ever growing collection on the fridge.
(c) put it in the Special Filing Cabinet (bin).
Your toddler is having the mother of all tantrums in the supermarket. You:
(a) abandon your trolley, calmly carry her out, strap her kicking and screaming into the car seat and then sing calming nursery rhymes all the way home.
(b) struggle round the shop with her under your arm, sweating and swearing under your breath whilst giving evils to all the old ladies who are staring at you.
(c) lie down on the floor next to her and join in.
It is the school fair tomorrow. You:
(a) finish baking your contribution of two dozen organic nut free cinnamon raisin cookies, two Madagascan vanilla sponges, and fifty home-made Danish pastries, before arranging a final meeting with the other members of the PTA to go over the arrangements for the day one last time.
(b) bake bugger all because you are crap at it but vow to turn up and let your kids have ten goes each on the bouncy castle.
(c) quickly buy yourself all the raffle tickets you were meant to sell to your colleagues at work ages ago.
It’s tea time. You feed your kids:
(a) home-made organic lamb stew served with caramelised red onions, green beans and mashed potatoes with home-grown damson jelly for dessert.
(b) leftovers from yesterday and a banana that you found at the bottom of the buggy.
(c) pizza again because dammit that is all they will eat at the moment.
It is 8pm. The children are finally asleep. You are knackered. The house looks like you have been burgled. You:
(a) kneel down on the floor and begin the lengthy process of putting all the toys away in their designated places using antiseptic spray wipes as you go, before pulling your homemade organic lasagne out of the oven and onto the immaculate worktop.
(b) hurl all toys vaguely in the direction of the toy chest, throw a frozen pizza in the oven and then collapse on the sofa.
(c) walk past the mess because you would rather eat your own head than tidy up now, and pour a glass of wine.
Your kid climbs into bed with you at 2.32am, and pees everywhere. You:
(a) strip the bed and rinse the sheets ready for a hot bleach wash in the morning, wash him thoroughly in a bubble bath, re-make the bed and then read stories to him until he falls asleep again.
(b) grab a towel and stick it over the wee, reminding yourself to wash the sheets (if still whiffy in the morning), and roll back to sleep together.
(c) remain asleep and so are none the wiser.
Mostly a’s – you are an EXCELLENT parent
Mostly b’s – you are an EXCELLENT parent
Mostly c’s – you are an EXCELLENT parent